This is really all your going to hear from me now for the next couple of weeks, I really do think it's important that I get it out there and not keep this bottled up. I'm writing this just moments after writing my last post about HG. I don't know why but I seem to be full of anger, anger at the denial I've faced with going through this Hyperemesis. Just having it brushed over for normal morning sickness, being frowned at or even made to feel guilty simply because I'm not having a 'simple' pregnancy. Pregnancy isn't simple, ok it can be for some people but not for everyone. It's not all bright lights like it's made to look like growing up. Take my last pregnancy, pretty ordinary and had normal morning sickness but ended up developing gallstones. I'm angry at those who think just because you choose to get pregnant doesn't mean you choose to suffer like this.
The only joy we've had so far in this pregnancy is the joy at the very beginning of knowing that us trying to get pregnant had succeeded. Since then that joy has been casted aside, at times I've regretted getting pregnant. Wondering why? Why did I want to become pregnant? Trying to stop myself from having those dreadful thoughts about getting rid of baby just so I could feel better, just so I'm not spending from 12-12 emptying the contents of my stomach even when it's already been emptied 40 times over. Just so I could spend time with my other baby who had been casted aside as I couldn't be anywhere but in the bathroom or in the bedroom attempting to get some kind of rest from the constant sickness.
Hannah at Muddling Along Mummy wrote this post 'Would you abort your baby to stop feeling sick?' which just sums exactly everything I want to say and what I'm thinking. Why is it only now that I've suffered with this and that 10 weeks after becoming so ill that I on my way to being educated about this condition. Why doesn't the baby books tell you this when they so call tell you 'everything you need to know about pregnancy' I've certainly never heard of this, not with my first pregnancy and not over the last couple of years of being a mother. Did I turn such a blind eye myself when seeing and hearing mothers talk about their extreme sickness?
Everywhere I read about it, it says that hospitalisation should be the first step of treatment for it. I do wonder if at the same time as being prescribed medication for the first time if I should of had a drip alongside it, especially now after being in hospital and having the fluids and seeing how it helped. I still wont fault my doctors though, they did try there best to help find medication to help stop my constant sickness and to help me get better. It is serious, I know this even more after googling it. Just read the symptoms from the NHS website and tell me if you could go 10 weeks like this? Some go the whole pregnancy and some even continue to suffer after giving birth. I'm still hoping that my time with this is over, I do fear that I may be on this tablets now for the rest of my pregnancy to help combat it but then we'll see how I'm doing over the next couple of weeks.